The Crazy Within

Working in a library may seem stodgy and boring, and at times it can be. However, at times it can be anything but. Odd patrons and situations afford a certain humor and eccentricity to the job, which keep it from being dull, to say the least. Some incidents are disgusting, some are funny, but all illustrate what I like to call the crazy within.

Here are just a few of situations I’ve encountered in my short career.

Snakes in the Library: Last week, one of my student employees told me there was a man with a snake. I had her clarify that she indeed meant there was a man in the library with a snake (a python, no less) around his neck. Channeling Britney Spears circa 2001, he walked around the building proudly displaying his living boa. Fortunately, he did not stay long and departed the building before the police could arrive.

The Dog Whisperer…or Not: I am in charge of billing patrons for damages to library materials. About a year ago, a girl borrowed The Dog Whisperer season one and a Cesar Millan dog training book. Both items were returned having been chewed by the girl’s puppy. I had a wee bit of a giggle over that one.

The Odd Duck: We have several regular patrons who are, for lack of a better word, odd. One in particular seems to feed off of attention, both positive and negative. One day, this fellow arrived at the library in short, (SHORT!), spandex shorts and a fedora, with an unlit cigar hanging out of his mouth. He proceeded to waltz through the lobby, then through his Interlibrary Loan transaction before waltzing back out of the building. I guess some days just call for cigars and dancing.

The Bodily Fluid Conundrum: I recently billed a patron for “bodily fluid” damage to several library books. Bodily fluid is a category that encompasses many substances, but in the case referred to the obvious animal urine that was both on and wafting from his books. When the patron came to the library to contest his bill, he informed me that the books were minimally damaged and most definitely NOT with “bodily fluids” of any kind. He told me he could clean them on the spot and then proceeded to spit on one of the books. A little elbow (or finger) grease, and bada bing! The book was clean! I don’t think he realized the irony of what he was doing, but in any case we billed him for bodily fluid damage.

Sexploitations: I couldn’t just pick one.

The Bathroom Trist: A student employee found a couple having sex in the men’s bathroom on the fourth floor. Do I need to point out that public bathrooms are disgusting?

Playboy Misadventures: A damaged book was found in the stacks and given to me. It was a 50th Anniversary Playboy picture book and (drum roll please) several of the pages were stuck together. With what, you might ask? I shall leave it to your imagination. The truly disturbing aspect of this incident was that the book had never been checked out, so it had been “used” in the library.